Last month when it was nearing Mother’s Day, I had no problem finding the words about a mother’s love and connecting to the importance of having a mother. Now it is nearing Father’s Day and my thoughts about the role of a father are void of feelings and connection. My mom and dad divorced when I was four years old. I really don’t remember much about my dad. He made little effort to be in my sister and I’s life. My mother was and still is a great parent. She gave us a lot of love and attention, so much so that I never missed having a father.
Throughout my life, I have met people who had great relationships with their fathers and if you are one of them, be thankful for this amazing blessing. It is hard for me to relate with the feelings and experiences these people have when they share genuine love and affection for their dad. Yet, I do feel a vague longing that is hard to explain and wish things could of been different. But it is what it is and I can’t change that. When I was young, I use to think that because we moved to another state, after the divorce, that it was not his fault that he never came to see us. As an adult, I realize that he made that choice. If he really wanted to have a relationship with his daughters , he would have. So for many years, I buried the emotions of abandonment because I didn’t want to feel the hurt. I wanted to appear strong and show people and myself that I didn’t miss anything by not having a father in my life. You can’t miss what you never had, right?
I recently read a friend’s Facebook post about his father who had passed away. His words were so heartfelt and genuine that it made tears come to my eyes. I thought , ” Where are these emotions coming from?” I realized then that I would never have a chance to have those feelings for my earthly father and it made me sad. The hurt little girl inside still longed for it, although the adult in me knew it would never be possible. You see, my dad died many years ago. We didn’t even know about it until months later. He died a lonely, old man.
I know that there are many people out there that share these feelings. Maybe your father was in your house but he was abusive or distant. Maybe you never knew who your father was. You may feel resentment or bitterness toward your father. Maybe you blame yourself. Don’t dwell on these feelings. It only creates negativity in your heart and conflict in your soul. Let these feelings go. Soon your heart will heal. You will trust again. You will love again. You have a choice to not allow his choice to steal your joy and diminish the person you were created to be. Your father’s choices had to do with his own internal issues. It had nothing to do with who you are. You have a Father in Heaven that makes a choice everyday to love you. He can fill that void in your life, if you let Him. Although, I may feel sad at times when I think of not having a relationship with my earthly father, I never feel bitter or resentful because I grew up knowing my Heavenly Father. I realized many years ago that my father was human, who made mistakes but God never makes mistakes or disappoints. He fills the void in my life I never knew I had.
That is why on Father’s Day, I take the time to pray for the fathers who are struggling with their own inner thoughts and issues. I pray that they stand up strong and be the father God created them to be. I pray for all the little girls and boys out there that are living with abuse or abandonment. I pray they find their worth not through their earthly father’s eyes but through the Father who loves them more than any earthly father could.
Dear child…hold your head high and know that you are a son or daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves you unconditionally right now, exactly who you are.